I hate to make another general post about music, but I'm afraid there's a problem with the black metal of today, too: it sucks. It sounds like a bunch of pussies wanking on their guitars, making themselves feel special inside because, LOOK MOMMA, I can play a tremolo picked riff REALLY FAST.

Good for you.

For the rest of us, it takes more than hyperspeed riffs and "epic" keyboard "compositions" to satiate our man-sized balls (take that any way you want to). To be honest, most of the times I hear a keyboard in music, it makes me want to punch a piano. Fortunately for my hand and for pianos everywhere, I don't own a piano, so I usually just punch a pianist. Either way, every once in awhile, I hear music where the keyboards aren't the most aggrivating thing I've ever heard; those rare records where the keyboards aren't an "element", they're a factor. They play a part in the greater whole and don't COMPLETELY, ANNOYINGLY DETRACT from it. If you've ever heard Nokturnal Mortum, and since we're talking about real men, I'm assuming you have, they are pretty much the best symphonic black metal band ever. Some of you might be screaming at your keyboards, going NO NO NO EMPEROR IS THE BEST.

Nah.

Nokturnal Mortum, aside from kicking ass and taking names and taking kick-ass names, looked at keyboards, and went "you know what, we need TWO of those". Then, as no one else has ever done successfully before or after them, they made it work.

Now, not every band can do two keyboards; Germany's Dies Ater is such a band, with just one keyboardist. But you know why Dies Ater kick ass? Because they rock. Odium's Spring is their latest release, and with the soon-to-be-official crumbling of the band, it will also be their last. On it, however, they are a metal band to the bone; they're not trying to be epic (okay, they are a little bit, but forgive them; they're german, like me; we don't take shit lightly), they are just playing balls-to-the-wall black metal, heavy as hell and absolutely uncomprising. And those keyboards? They're in the background, where they belong, adding to the atmosphere but never detracting from or overpowering it. Not to mention the band are incredibly talented at their instruments and, thank everything holy or unholy or whatever shit you believe in, that the singer is NOT fucking terrible, another problem with black metal today (every little dickwad thinks he can do a black metal scream; I'm looking at you Xasthur). He screams in the native tongue of angry, crazy people, a people I'm proud to be part of: the germans. There isn't an angrier language, and it translates perfectly to the music.

So go on, hit this shit up. If you inherently hate keyboards in music, even more so than me, then you probably won't like this. If you do, however, like heavy, brutal black metal, then go on and try some of what Germany has to offer; you won't be disappointed.